Grief is a funny thing.  If you’ve ever lost someone close to you you’ll know this.  Some days you feel just fine, others grief tumbles over you like heavy waterfall, the force of the waters threatening to pull you under.

Today in Canada it’s Father’s Day.  Although I think of my Dad every day, days like this are harder than others.

My brother Kevin-died June 2012

Before what I affectionately call the ‘tsunami’ of deaths in my life, I wondered how my faith would hold up if really put to the test.  Would I hold onto the truths I have learned or would I shake an angry fist at God and run for the hills? Questioning all I had come to believe?

Nephew Craig died Oct 2012

Best friend Rob died Dec 2012

Dad, died Nov 2013

I have seen grief ruin people.  The crushing weight of the pain of loss is something they just can’t seem to get out from under.  I have also seen people bury it so deep in their hearts that the pain comes out in different ways, against other people, or needs to be quieted with numbing effects of drugs and alcohol.  Some turn off all feelings towards others to protect themselves from being hurt again.

The truth is we will all face loss in our lives, it’s how we face it that can change our lives.

I’ve seen Christians turn away from God when suffering comes, feeling betrayed and hurt ‘Why would a God who loves me allow this to happen?’ They ask.

I can’t profess to have it figured out, not even close.  I only know what I’ve learned through the storm in my own life.

Your faith is, was and will continue to be a choice.

This means that when you don’t understand why things are happening the way they do, you choose to believe anyway.
When the gripping pain of loss comes, as it inevitably will in this life, you choose to believe anyway.
When financial strain seems to crush you, you choose to believe anyway.
When nothing makes sense and you feel alone…..choose to believe anyway.

This has been my experience.  In my darkest of days, when grief threatened to drown me, I chose to believe anyway.

What happens after you choose is where the incredible gift lies.  When grief sits on my chest pushing the tears out of my eyes, there is someone there to give that pain to, to pour it out to….and incredibly, each and every time I do this, the pain lifts, I feel light and free and full of an inexplicable peace and hope.

I know the pain of grief without faith and it’s a dark place, a long road, a deep hole.  I don’t want to stay there.

There is a faithful God who loves you more than you can imagine.  In your pain, He is there, with you.  He will redeem what is lost, restore what is broken, and help you to stand again.

But first you must choose to believe anyway.

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Moving to a new country has many challenges.  Especially, when you don’t know the language.  Just shopping for groceries becomes a whole new experience, never mind having a meaningful conversation with anyone.

You feel as though you’ve regressed to being a small child, you need someone to help you do most things, speak for you and take you where you need to go.

This process is both humbling and frustrating. I have developed a whole new appreciation for those thousands of immigrants new to Canada, struggling with all the same things.

About an hour before we had to take the only other english speaking people here at the mission to the airport for their three month furlough, something happened that would change our lives here in Brazil.

As you may remember a number of months ago I wrote about the very generous donation we received after speaking at our church.  With it, along with others we were able to purchase a 2012, gently used VW Kombi here in Marabá from a friend of the church.

We’ve already used it for a number of things, including picking up some very excited kids on their way home from school, moving a stove for one of our neighbours from one house to another, carrying building materials and taking a tiny baby just a few days old for a hearing test.

This past Sunday we took two loads of youth to the streets to sell car flags and T-shirts as a fundraiser for the church.  It was loud and fun and we’re going to do it again next week!

This vehicle changes our lives, helps the mission and will allow us to begin to spread out and explore, help our neighbours and eventually move in to the community or to another base.

We are incredibly grateful!

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Sao Luis (Saint Louis) is on the North East coast of Brasil. It’s a large city of about one million inhabitants.

One of the small villages we passed through

Ivanildo & Jackiline

World Cup Fever

Sao Luis seems to have three faces.  The face where Jackiline and her friends and family live looks a bit like Marabá.  The other side is has tall apartment buildings, restaurants and office buildings.  As they say here in Brazil it’s ‘chici chici’ or what we would call ‘ritzy’ looking. The central part of the city is the historical part with old tiled buildings and a colonial feel to it.

Joao Philipe, Joao Pedro & Joao Lucas

We visited with one of Jackiline’s friends in her apartment above a store.  Her husband and adorable little girl were resting from the days intense heat in a hammock or rede (pronounced hedgie) swinging above the bed.  Jackiline explained to her why we were visiting Sao Luis and it was clear by her reaction, although I couldn’t understand her words, that she had some strong opinions about the church.  The part of the conversation I did understand was that in the past she has felt very judged, for her clothing or her life, when at church.  She was visibly agitated.

Ivanildo & I

Ivanildo (who thankfully speaks clearly and slowly) explained that our church, the Vineyard, isn’t about religion.  It’s about relationship with Jesus, and that the Bible clearly says it’s not our job to judge.  He also explained the second most important commandment in the Bible aside from loving our God with everything we have, is to love others and that God doesn’t care about your clothes he cares about your heart.  We believe that it’s important not to get your life in order and then give your heart to the Lord, but to give Him your heart and then let him transform you.

We’ve been fortunate enough to see this happen many time in our own lives and in the lives of others.

There are lots of churches in Brazil, people here are no stranger to religion.  What we want to introduce to people is the very personal, very real, relationship with a living God.  A God who loves us far beyond our clothes, has the power to heal wounds so deep they physically hurt, and who has a plan for our lives bigger and better than we could imagine.

The plan is to visit Sao Luis with a team monthly, developing a small group there and possibly using Alpha has the spring board.  These are early days and first steps towards something new.  It’s exciting to be a part of it!

A View of The ‘chici’ part of Sao Luis and the Ocean

Futebol (a.k.a soccer)

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After thirteen months, the loss of my Dad, surgery to remove my gallbladder, a health scare for myself and my kids we are finally back in Brazil.  It feels really, really good to be here.

Our travel down was long, as it always is, and full of emotions-like a tossed salad.  One minute our kids were so excited they looked as though they might burst and the next there were tears of grief at the thought of leaving Canada.  They are two years older than they were when we came here in 2012, and they’ve been through a lot, we all have.

When we landed in Maraba, I looked at Faith and she had tears in her eyes.
“Are you ok? Are those sad tears or happy tears?” I asked.
“Happy tears Mommy, we’re finally back in Brazil!”

Later that evening as we were starting to unpack there was a knock at the door, four girls stood with beaming smiles at our door to welcome us back.  One had tears in her eyes as she hugged us.  She was our first friend here, she bravely came to our house for dinner when we could speak barely a word of Portuguese.

‘I missed you guys so much!’ she said.

Another knock at the door and this time a gaggle of boys, all a little taller and a little more like men than they were a year ago.  We chatted briefly and I listened hard, trying to reactivate the Portuguese part of my brain.

It was a wonderful welcome, considering we had been gone almost twice as long as we were here it was good to know we hadn’t been forgotten, because we certainly hadn’t forgotten them.

While we were in Canada, two things weighed heavily on my mind.  One, my portuguese.  I had made some great progress learning the language and I prayed that the Lord would preserve it.  I am an extrovert, so not being able to connect with people is very difficult for me. My prayers have not only been answered but it seems that somehow I can understand better than I could before and I can say more, have more confidence.  What a blessing!

The other prayer was for my daughter, Faith.  Like her mother she is a social butterfly and without people to play with she wilts.    Since we’ve been back she has already made a great connection with a few of the girls, lots of them remember her and have been asking for her.  She has also been able to share her gift of art with the kids and started face painting.  One of the Mom’s has already asked her if she would do some face painting at her daughters birthday party in October.  Faith is so excited!

Sometimes being away from somewhere can make it difficult to settle back in, but we are grateful that is not the case here. It feels almost as though we never left, just pressed the pause button.  We are grateful for so many things, our safe return, the kids joy at being back here and excited to see what God has next for us in this new chapter.

Stay tuned!

To see a collection of photos click here

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Hello to all my Friends and Family!

I miss you all, and hope everything is going well for you.
It’s been an exciting month here in Altamira, as we celebrated the marriage of Christopher and Denise. It was an incredible wedding. When Denise starting walking down the aisle, everybody started crying, including Christopher and Denise! I took some pictures for all of you to see with a link below. It was a truly beautiful day, and I was so happy to watch my two friends give their lives to each other.
Another amazing thing that also happened on the wedding day is my friend, Cleide, had a new baby girl named Liah! She is so beautiful, of course, and I got to spend some time with them in the hospital the day after. We are lucky to have so much to celebrate on the same day!

Things here have been pretty routine. I’ve been teaching at night, and working on developing my lesson plan for when I get to Portel. I still have a lot to learn about teaching English. It can be difficult to explain when you don’t fully understand the other language, like Portuguese. It’s always a work in progress, but I’m excited to be on the journey. I’m also trying to learn as much as I can about how the school functions, and what I will need to do to make it a success.
 I have been talking with Manoela, and it sounds like she is making the decision to come with me to Portel. She will probably come in March, when the school starts its first semester. I am very excited about this, and I know that it will be a great opportunity for both of us. 

Our church has also started doing the Alpha Course every Friday night. So far, it has been a great experience, and some of the people from our small group have been attending. I love the simplicity of the Alpha Program, as it offers a place for relationship as well as curiosity about following Jesus.

We have also been continuing our ministry to the homeless. Once a month, we take food and basic supplies to various places around the city and offer to pray for the people we find there. It was been a privilege to serve these men and women and bless their lives. Our team will be meeting this month to discuss other ways that we can begin helping serve the poor in our city.

I also want to mention to all of you that since I came back from my visit to the States, I have seen a great increase in my level of support every month. This is a huge encouragement to me. Having the funds I need to do the work I am doing here is a major relief. I also feel greatly loved and supported by all of you because you have chosen to invest in what I am doing in Brazil. I believe in the work here, and I know that you do, too. Thank you all so much for your sacrifice.

 I am very grateful to have you all on my team. Bless all of you! Enjoy the pictures.

Love, Allison

Christopher and Denise’s Wedding
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Worship and teaching early in the morning during our weekend training

What happens when you plant churches?  One of the byproducts is that some thought needs to be put into how to care for those churches.  Six years ago I started a training program that focuses on this aspect of the work that we do.  One of the key elements of Latin American culture is that relationship is primary.  When we plant churches in the interior, away from the cities, they are built on relationship and the strategy focuses on relationships.  However, what happens is that when or two people are doing the bulk of that outreach, things quickly become bottle-necked. 

One way to resolve that is to train people capable of that unique type of outreach.  These people need to be comfortable living is close quarters with many others, at ease in primitive conditions, satisfied with the most basic of foods, capable of teaching others, working with children, and showing compassion.  The list could go on, but I think you get the idea. 

By far the best way to train these people is to get them out of the class room and into the field where they can experience these things.  They need to opportunity to learn from their mistakes, build memories of unique experiences and share in the excitement of seeing God work in real life situations through their lives.  This still needs to be anchored by disciplined teaching from the Bible.  The training provides opportunities for student-leadership training across the spectrum of development. 

The results after six years are that through this training, a group of people who relate well to the people outside the city has been raised up.  God has used them and the relationships that they have built over the years to continue to grow the work.  It has been great to see God provide a vision from within the church for continuing to reach out to those who live where there are no churches.  Sharing the vision, passing it from one generation to another, that is what helps to make our faith enduring.  It is great to see God continuing that process.  

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A beautiful rainbow graces the sky above the Xingu River

A storm gathers over the river

(You can find part 1 and part 2 via the links) We arose bright and early.  The previous day, after realizing that things beyond my control had pushed our trip back, the day to leave was finally here.  We packed up, excited to go.  I was taking along my two youngest kids so I went through their things, making sure they had what they would need for four or five days on the river.  It is always an adventure going on a boat trip and I was looking forward to going together with them.  Our team had several people that dropped out and one late addition, so there were seven of us going altogether. These additions and subtractions were all taken in stride. 

                We made the one hour drive from Altamira to Vitoria where we put our speedboat in the water.  Everything was loaded up, wrapping our luggage in a tarp, and everyone was seated so that the boat would be balanced.  We had a pray and shoved off.  The weather was scattered clouds and that means probable rain this time of year.  The boat ran well and as we headed through the islands, we saw a friend who was fishing in his wooden canoe.  He was just a couple of minutes from his fishing shack, a small place he keeps.  He will often spend four or five days a week fishing along the river.  He was delighted to see us and we shared a few minutes together with the promise to see each other again soon. 

                Then within a short time, we were in Souzel, where we tied the speedboat off to the back of a boat.  We had a quick lunch, bought some supplies for our trip, and headed out.  I was tired and quickly fell asleep in my hammock as the throbbing of the diesel motor and the motion of the boat lulled me to sleep. 

                After a couple hours, we stopped in a small village along the river’s edge.  The people living there were glad to receive our visit.  The man was the leader of the church in that community and we were glad to encouraged him at his home.  We planned a baptism for the next day as several of the church people there wanted to make that commitment in their lives.  For several hours, we sat and visited in the yard of the community leader.  We swapped stories as we sat under a tree drinking coffee.  The running narrative created its own dynamic among those present and the conversation jumped easily between the recent and distant past.  The oral tradition is strong, especially among those people that live along the river.  The conversation generates laughter, thoughtfulness, reflection, more questions, and more stories.  Every time my coffee cup empties, there is an offer of more.  I try to drink it more slowly but even then realize that I have passed my caffeine limit.  The late afternoon heat and humidity are mitigated by an afternoon breeze under the shade of a fruit tree and the decreasing intensity of the setting sun.  The conversation ebbs and surges as we move among topics.  The kids play on a shallow, sandy beach as we sit on our improvised benches in our discussion. 

                Finally, we look up and see that a storm is approaching.  It is time to leave, more as a question of safety than concern about keeping any type of schedule.  The wind starts to pick up and the waves form white caps.  We move away from shore with a promise to return the next day to have baptisms in the morning and celebrate with lunch together.  I think how many conversations is a soul worth?  How much time?  Is this incarnational living, being a friend to others, is it really this simple?  Isn’t this part of what Jesus modeled during his time on earth?   There is always something new to reflect on as I slow down and think about how God is acting in that moment…

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Drinking coffee together is synonymous with hospitality

A couple of friends, one old and one new.  This was taken while out visiting homes in a village community.  

(This post is part of series which starts here) Monday it was time to leave.  The plans for this trip had been made the previous month.  However, there was a glitch.  The parts that were needed to get the work done on the had taken longer to get than anticipated.  Everything was pushed back a day because of the delays. 

So here I was waiting.  I reluctantly made phone calls to the others that were planning to go along on the trip (all Brazilians) and told them that our trip would be delayed one day.  Here is where culture comes in… no one had any problem with that.  It was fine that we would leave later because the relationships involved were more important than the schedule that had been made. 

                After 19 years in Brazil, I still fret about the schedule and wonder if everyone is going to be good if things are off a bit.  And I am always refreshed by the fact that punctuality is rated beneath relationship.  It gives me pause to consider how we rank relationship, punctuality and other “values” in our scheme of life.  Is Western culture (primarily North America & Western Europe) or our own personal preferences based on Biblical values?  How far have we strayed from what Jesus modeled concerning relationship?  Or was he yielding to the cultural preferences of his time and place?

                I believe that many third world cultures align more closely with how God values relationship.  Why would I think that?  We quickly see that God prioritized relationship with humanity over many things, or should I risk saying, over everything?  Since He was willing to die for others because He wanted to have relationship with them, whether they even recognize what He did for them, won’t that draw relationship into the very center of what God is doing, and more importantly, into the center  of who He is? 

                So what are we about? Who are we in our essence?  How important are our plans, our “to do” lists, our expectations, and our doctrine?  How often do we usurp God’s purposes because we let other things trump relationship?  We need to ask our God where we can deepen our relationships in spite of our differences.  

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A self portrait with a friend and fellow pastor

A couple of boats long the Xingu River on an overcast afternoon

What a great time.  I recently returned from a boat trip on the river.  It was an awesome four days, filled with adventure and seeing the Lord work.  Each trip is always filled with many small incidents that make the memories.  And each trip gives insight into how the Lord works and how He works through the culture. 

I will start at the beginning… which starts several days before the actual trip.  I took the speedboat into the shop to get some work done on it.  There was a check list of things to fix on the speedboat and the trailer.  So I drop the boat off with instructions for what needs to be done and then drop the trailer off at a different shop to get some work done on it.  But to get the trailer fixed, I needed to take the manager of the shop around town in my truck because he doesn’t have his own vehicle.  One of the places that we stopped promised to have the part to the shop that was fixing the trailer within 30 minutes.  As often happens, that 30 minutes turned into almost two days.  That set our trip back. 

                The team I was taking out on the river was planning to leave on Monday and rendezvous with another some people from another church to visit, evangelize, and train along the river.  It was important to get things ready because of the different people involved and the need for coordination between them.

                After picking up the manager of the shop where the trailer would get fixed, I took him around to five different shops that in the end took me all morning (8:00 to noon).  But it is interesting to appreciate something about the culture.  The manager wasn’t upset, in fact, he seemed happy to get to know me.  This is one of the signs of the highly relational context that makes up Brazilian culture.  And learning to roll with this makes the experience and time enjoyable instead of stressful.  That is, instead of the thinking that I am wasting time running around town, realizing this is an opening to build a new friendship.  It also is one of the keys to understanding the God moments that provide opportunities for expanding his Kingdom where I am.  Think about it this way:  Can we be sensitive to what God is doing in the moment or are we so locked into our timing and agenda that we miss His big picture?  We need to take time to slow down and listen to what God is doing around us each and every day.  

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Hello Friends and Family!

I have been back from our trip to Portel for a little over a week now, and I am anxious to tell you how it went. Being there again reminded me how much I like the city. It reminds me of one of those beach towns off the coast of North Carolina that I used to go to as a kid. Well, expect its a river instead of an ocean! But it still doesn’t lack for charm and sentiment.
Richie and his team have already made a lot of progress in getting acquainted with the city and its residence. They have already started holding a church service on the boat with at least 3 or 4 families attending. There are also several children involved, some of them coming without their families. It was a pleasure to be apart of one of their services, and see how quickly they are growing.

Church on the Boat

As I said before, Richie has succeeded in laying the foundation for the school. His first priority is to finish at least one room, which will be used for both our classroom and to hold church services in the beginning. He is currently working on raising financial support of around $10,000.00 to complete the first room. If you would be interested in helping to support this project, you can click on the link below connected to Porto de Moz. You can also contact me or Richie directly.

http://www.xingu.org/15b1_porto-de-moz_donation.html
Richie Bouthillier: transamazon@xingu.org

The Foundation for the School

Richie and I also had a meeting while I was there to figure out what we need to do to get the school ready, including supplies and materials. We are working on putting a budget together of all the things we will need from desks to printers to markers. I will let you know more about that when it is ready and how you can help. I also had the pleasure of meeting an English teacher who works in Portel in the public school. He speaks excellent English, and is interested in helping with our project.

 Manoela, Denise, and Christopher enjoyed the trip as well. We spent some time swimming and getting to know the city. We also spent a lot of time with Richie’s family playing Wii! Richie and I also drove around looking for apartments for when I am ready to move, at least to get an idea of what is available. Throughout the trip, I was trying to get a feel for how Manoela was taking it all in. She is a slow processor and needs time to digest information. I wanted to give her the space she needed to think about if she could really see herself there in the future. I think one thing that really impressed upon her was the amount of kids around. She has a deep desire to help people have a better life, and she could see the need around her. She still has not decided, and that’s OK. I want her to make the right decision for her. Please pray for Manoela that God directs her feet on the path he has planned for her.

One of the things Richie and I spent time talking about is a group called i-61. (http://i-61.org/) The name comes from Isaiah 61, which is one of my favorite passages of Scripture. It talks about how Jesus will redeem every area of our lives. It paints a picture of the Kingdom of Heaven coming to Earth. I believe, as the church, we have a calling to join with Christ and bring this redemption to the world. That is why I want to build this school. I believe it can be one aspect of this redemption process. This organization, i-61, has that same vision, and is working to make it a reality throughout the world. Please check out their video below.

What is i-61?

I hope all this info gives you a good idea of what my future holds. Of course, if you have any questions, please never hesitate to ask. I feel really good about where I am going. I feel that I will be using my talents and abilities to honor God and those around me. Please pray that God continues to give me strength as I walk into new territory. Pray that he protects me from distractions and setbacks. Pray that I am surrounded by his love.
Thank you and bless you all. I also pray good into your lives. I pray perseverance and joy in the face of suffering. I pray that you lean on each other more in vulnerability and weakness, and that you allow grace to hold you together. Mercy and peace to all of you.

Love, Allison

Portel Trip Pictures

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